Have you heard?
by BetterDeadThanAlone
Summary: Kakashi is just trying to enjoy his book, Guy and Lee are themselves, and so is Naruto. Unfortunately. CRACK-ish


**AN: **This is probably as close to a crack-fic as I'll ever go. I had fun, though!

**Have you heard?**

Kakashi was trying to relax under a tree with his favorite book.

"- complete 5000 sit-ups! The power of youth will prevail yet again!"

Trying, being the operative word.

"No! 5000 sit-ups are not enough to prove our unwavering commitment and please the fires burning in our souls! We must also complete a total of 3500 push-ups!" The smile that followed this exclamation was bright enough to make everyone within a thirty yard radius blind. Might Guy was annoying in his own right, but coupled with his former student (and future heir) Rock Lee, they were down-right _painful _to listen to. "YOSH!"

Kakashi was not an elite ninja for nothing though, he had always been an expert at filtering out what was important and what was meaningless. Guy and Lee did not stand a chance against any of his books, even less so when this particular passage was coming up...

_.: Min was standing in Hakashi's doorway, her eyes dark with something unspeakable, her mouth half open in a silent plea. Hakashi felt his stoic resolve start to crumble at its base. She looked so darn tempting in her short white dress, now almost completely transparent from the pouring rain outside. He could see the outline of her curves, and longed to rip the excessive fabric from her petite frame. As far as he could tell she was not wearing anything underneath at all. Who would have guessed innocent little Min was so... Sexy?_

"_Kakashi, please," Rin whispered, her voice rough from suppressed emotions. :._

Kakashi had always found this typo most peculiar.

_.:"Min, we shouldn't,"Hakashi tried one last halfhearted protest. "There will be no turning back once we..." He couldn't finish the sentence._

"_Maybe I don't want to turn back," Min said. An heartbeat later and her pliant mouth was on top of his, hot and demanding. Hakashi gave up all pretense of defiance and answered eagerly. He had dreamed of this for years and swore he would savor it while it lasted. _

_Min's hands had found their way to his silver hair, he bit back a moan from the pleasant sensation reverberating through his entire being. He hoisted her up on his hips with an impatient growl and carried her to his bedroom, both of them falling down on the soft mattress. He felt her breasts pressing against his-" :._

"What is it I spy with my fantastic eyes?" The unbelievably loud outburst cut Kakashi off from his book, _again._ "Lee, my most passionate of students, it seems Hinata has been caught up in the most youthful situation in life!" Tears were forming in Guy's eyes, mirrored in Lee.

"Yes, it seems you are more than right, Guy-sensei!" Lee sniffled. "Who knew the fires burnt so brightly in her?"

Now, even Kakshi had to admit he was curious as to what they were referring. What he saw was Hinata, surprisingly not in her regular clothes, but in a long purple sundress. Her unusual dress choice was not, however, what caused Guy and Lee to break down in happy tears. It was her stomach. Her noticeable stomach.

"Huh," Kakashi said, "Either Hinata has gotten fat, or someone knocked her up."

"How, eternal rival, can you say it so callously?" Guy was clearly horrified. "She is in a delicate condition, guarding a new life, positively sprouting with energy, creator of-"

"But who could be so incredibly inconsiderate to not marry her first before tasting her sweet nectar?" The ever chivalrous Lee almost started crying again from the injustice. Kakashi almost started crying from the use of sweet nectar as a metaphor for sex.

"Not to mention stupid," He said, a vague feeling of unease was growing in his gut. "The Hyuga's will have his head."

"That is most certainly true!" Lee was quick to agree. "Neji will personally maim and sever particular body parts of his before throwing the loose limbs in the river and his head in a volcano!"

"And Hinata's father will burn the remaining pieces to ash and use them to fertilize his gardenias!" Guy filled in.

"They will of course have help from her team mates," Lee mused. "Kiba will probably make Akamaru take a dump on him _before_ the whole maiming business, and Shino will order bugs to eat out his eyes and crawl into his ears. Their souls will soar with youthful vengeance!" Lee and Guy had both their arms risen in victory. Victory over what, Kakashi did not know. He did on the other hand, see a certain blonde reckless ninja making his way over to them. _No, don't say..._

"Hey!" Naruto said in greeting, being attracted to the loud voices. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing much," Kakashi said watching Naruto closely for his reaction. "Only discussing who might be the father to Hinata Hyugas unborn baby."

"The father to..." Naruto looked more than a little confused.

"Yes, and they-" Kakashi gestured towards Guy and Lee who were shouting nonsensical words of fire, vengeance, burning and powers of youth. "- are planing on how to best castrate the man in question."

"Baby..." Naruto was clearly in a daze. "But..."

"- His head will roll!" Guy and Lee both screamed in the background.

"But what, Naruto?" said Kakashi, dreading the answer. The world did not deserve this!

"That means...!" A goofy grin made its way onto Naruto's face, almost splitting it in half. He didn't bother completing his own sentence, only sprinting after Hinata, shouting at the top of his voice. "Hinata! Have you heard? Have you heard?"

Kakashi could faintly hear Hinata asking what the blond was talking about.

"WE'RE HAVING A BABY!"

Kakashi sighed. "Well, I guess we just got our answer. Help us all." He returned his attention to Min and Hakashi's rendezvous; he had to try and enjoy the peace while it lasted.

Guy and Lee burst into tears. Again.

**End**

I hope you enjoyed.


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